Today was the last day with my dad until the Easter holiday at the end of March. We spent as much time together today as we could; simply enjoying each other's company. Nothing got in the way of us having a good time.
Now that I think about it, a lot could have set me off today, leaving me uncomfortable or anxious, but it didn't:
- The fact that I had to be back at the station for both lunch and dinner which I didn't have to last weekend.
- The weather - non-stop rainfall with extreme winds.
- That my dad is leaving tomorrow and I won't see him for a long time.
- That we had to change our itinerary for the day - I can't stand it when things don't go as planned. I've always been organized and loved having a plan, yet it has gotten a lot worse since I've developed anorexia.
- Having nothing planned for the afternoon and being forced to relax. My eating disorder really loathes me when I lounge around and 'am lazy' by not being physically active in one way or another.
The list goes on. As you can see, none of this influenced me today; absolutely nothing; nada.
Instead of going ice skating, my dad and me went to the museum in the morning, visiting and analyzing three beautiful exhibitions - one about Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele; one focusing on the development of nude art pieces over time and one regarding Japan. All were lovely. In the afternoon, as we had nothing precise planned, we simply relaxed at home by watching the slalom ski race and the ski jump tournament on the television. In both events, an Austrian won - yay - and that was just the icing on the cake for such a perfect day spent with someone I love so insanely much.
I love you dad and I'll see you soon.
Hannah, well written. Following your blog somehow has an impact on my emotion, I am feeling how you feel, and it feels naturally.
ReplyDeleteIn life we will just have to accept things that do not always come our way, the weather, the school, the health, the plan, the love, the everything..
Life is not perfect itself, why demand yourself to be perfect? I heard (I am not a professional in this field so if I was misjudging please excuse me) this illness has a lot to do with the 'drawing attention' on purpose or subconciously. You want and love to be 'admired', 'noticed', 'heard',,,you want to be outstanding so you can be 'seen'.
Somehow we have this in common but I was not that extreme, or in a way not so 'keen'. But I fully understand what you've been trying to obtain by this act.
You know you are beautiful, adorable, smart...but you love to hear that often, it feels good. I knew.
Gradually as I grew up, I relaxed over times, through tough lessons (again, without me wanting them) I accepted myself as ME, not flawless, everybody has its life to move on, they can not always be there for us. So you just have to be stronger, to love yourself more, that eventually will attract the attention because you will be shining, if they don't, then shine yourself.
Take care, Hannah, find new focus for the new year, live life. Do not waste it. We love to see the stronger you standing up soon. There are so many wonderful adventures ahead of you. Be positive.
Big hugs.