Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Gradual Transition Back Into the Real World

It's frustrating to see people after people come and go at the station while you're the only one that remains. I've been here the longest out of everyone by far and it's still unclear of how much longer my stay here is. My longing to go back into the 'outside' world is so great, that hearing "oh we'll see about that next week" when asking about a possible date as to when I could leave is infuriating - I just want a clear answer. I hate this uncertainty. I just want someone to tell me, plain and simple, what my future at the station here entails, and for how much longer my stay is.

As the length of my stay is still out in the open, I have made arrangements with the doctor that is in charge of me to slowly ease back into natural patterns. This involves:

  • Drinking the supplement drinks on my own again without supervision and then having to sit next to a nurse for half an hour while constantly being glared at, like a hawk does when hunting for prey, to ensure that I don't somehow get rid of the calories.
  • Getting full night-leave from Saturday to Sunday and eating all meals outwards, except for breakfast on Saturday. I have never done this before but I talked with the doctor and we agreed that this would be the next step - to see if I can maintain, or hopefully even gain weight, when being given full control as to what I consume in two days.
  • Eating more meals outwards during the week - mainly dinner. This will be done to lessen my anxiety that arises when I am faced with either having to create my dinner or order something off of a menu. It will be done to show me that eating out, or eating at home, is completely normal and does not involve panic or anxiety attacks.
  • I will be given night-leaves during the week - maybe one or two per week - to slowly transition into being at home more frequently.
The meeting, as well as the results that we came up with together, are quite positive. Although I still don't know how much longer I am staying here, at least I know the next steps and that I am gaining even more freedom. I hope everything works out.


  1. Hallo Hannah,

    3 Linzer drücken Dir die Daumen!
    Viele Grüße und halt die Ohren steif!

  2. You can do this. Stay positive. Be strong. I am sure that you can find a way out of this eating disorder. Even if you have bad days. We all have one if these. Focus on the good things. Focus on the positive moments in your life. Don't lose your faith.
    Btw. your blog is amazing. Keep writing.


  3. Finde ich SEHR gut, dass Du die Dinge in die Hand nimmst! Du schaffst das!
    Liebe Grüsse ,