With the start of the holiday season, which, for the hospital, means the closing of several of the stations here at the psychatric ward, and the end of the eight week cycle here at the 6B means that a severe change was bound to happen. And it did.
Plenty of friends departed yesterday as they were part of the cycle; the goodbyes that I had to deal with were hard - tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall for one person. The friendships that I formed with them are strong and will continue to be upheld, I will make sure of it. Numbers were exchanged, final words of encouragement were spoken and the tightest hugs were given out.
As 6B is one of the only open stations during the holidays, why I do not know, a long waiting list has already compiled with patients from other stations wanting one of the few remaining spots here. It feels weird to have so many new people all of a sudden. I liked our community before; the closeness that had built between us all. Now, with new faces, new stories - new everything really - that community no longer exists as it has to be built up again, from scratch.
I feel very uneasy and overwhelmed with the whole situation. I wish that our station could have stayed the way it was.
Hannah, it is time to let go 6B, you made a stop there but you know you do not belong to there, so, move on.
ReplyDeleteThe Japanese do the house clean at the last day of the year, get rid of the old stuff to embrace new year. You need space for new focus.
It is a very overwhelming process, letting go is very hard mostly emotionally, what I did was close my eyes, pack them in a bag, throw them out in a bin and walk away, never look back.
Move on, travel light :)
Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog from time to time. We used to go to SFS together. I was in the year above you. I just wanted to say that I send you so much love and it is incredible that you are on this journey of finding yourself and taking the steps to recover and regain your life. I admire your spirit and your strength - please, never give up. It is a difficult process, but it is well worth it. My own sister struggled with an eating disorder and from her experiences I know that there are many ups and downs in recovery. Never stop fighting because you will win these battles. I may not know you very well, but your writing is beautiful. You have a gift and I hope you never stop writing. From your words alone, it is easy to see that you are a very beautiful person with a heart that more people should have. Wish you all the best.