Three Weeks - Going Strong

Today marks the twentyfirst day of having this blog - three weeks -  that I adhere to and vent to every night, that it has become almost like my nightly ritual. Indeed, thinking about it now, it has become part of my routine, part of me by becoming a place to seek solace in as well as comfort, in reassuring myself with old blog posts filled with words of encouragement, that i'm doing the right thing.

Surprisingly, what I didn't know, is that Felix Baumgartner is currently attempting to jump out of a hot air balloon to break a world record - "The highest jump from the air." Aaaaaaaand he just landed; what a success! Seeing him succeed and pursure with such a difficult and life-threatening attempt, made me realize that his courage and sheer determination to pull that stunt is there - dominant - just like mine, battling against this monster in my head. Both of us are trying our hardest, fighting against all odds to succeed and pursue our goals. Anyway, congratulations Felix, but back to the point now.

What I wanted to say was that, as this is my blog, I am able to write exactly what I'm feeling and going through, which right now, is calmness - yet again. Calmness for the second time in a row? Is that even possible? Calories? Fear Foods? Food Rituals? What happened to those thoughts? They do not matter. They do not determine my self worth. Being calm, that's a good sign, says the rational part of me, but then there's that other voice, looming on my shoulder, crouching, whispering into my ear saying, "you just had such a calorie-dense meal shoved down your tube that you don't deserve you're disgusting." This type of battle is something I face multiple times a day and I successfully push through because I'm looking at the bigger picture, of gaining my life and health back. Of wanting to live, properly, and to not have to live and reside in a hospital - as it's crouching on two months of being in one.