Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Looking Forward to a Meal

Today, for the first time in what feels like eons, I woke up refreshed - feeling exactly like sleeping beauty after she wakes to find herself in a different century - I woke up calm. The nights before, I had horrid sleeping patterns, waking up several times a night just to find myself stare at the empty ceiling above me. I slept in pain; suffered through all my negative thoughts at night; and most likely gave in to those thoughts that I've successfully conquered during the day while in my series of catnaps you could say - taking the amount of times I was up into consideration. But now, ever since yesterday, I felt at ease even during the night. My bones didn't ache with every move; I didn't need three blankets just because I had no energy to heat myself; I no longer needed a pillow between my legs so that my knees wouldn't have to touch as that would hurt and be uncomfortable. Yesterday was the first night it was different. I didn't feel like a skeleton (although I still am very very thin - which is something I'm trying to change willingly). I hope that tonight will be the same blissful experience.

Waking up to my fully decorated window in the morning sunlight is pure joy and I already knew that today, I was in charge. That today, those thoughts could go, excuse my language, screw themselves as I had better things to do. Now comes the most important news of the day: I was HUNGRY. Me, hungry? I heard my stomach growl and couldn't believe it. I was looking forward to breakfast. Me, looking forward to a meal. Gosh, the last time that happened was probably last summer. Maybe it's because it contained my favorite breakfast item - muesli - but nontheless, I was looking forward to breakfast.

Today in total was a MAJOR RECOVERY WIN DAY.


  1. kick-ass harder Hannah! :)

  2. Hannah, it's so great to see you journaling your recovery. You definitely have the right attitude, so I am confident that you will succeed. You will get your life back and you will no longer fear food. I know it's hard - I had an eating disorder for 6 years, but I've been recovered for almost a year now. And if I can do it, I know you can! Keep posting your progress, I will be here rooting for you!

    1. I wish you weren't on anon, I would love to know who this is! Anyway, thank you for your kind words. I've only been diagnosed since November of 2011, making my disorder quite 'new' as most people have them for longer before fully recovering, but i hope that i can. I don't want this for me anymore. I want to be able to live. So thank you, kind anon :)