Wednesday, September 26, 2012


As night starts to dawn on us, and the birds disappear, everything becomes more sinister automatically, without even trying to. Same goes for that voice trying to control me. But I'm stronger than it, in fact, I know I am. I am one of the most strong-willed people that I know, and I'm sure that my parents would agree; so I see no reason to give into this voice that sits on my shoulder, whispering horrid phrases into my ears. But I refuse to listen to that gibberish; I chose recovery and am at it 100 % even if the times are hard. I need to keep reminding myself of this. Of my mentality and where I'm headed, even in tough situations.

Today's been a rough day here at the hospital because of new patients and triggers, but so what? That's no reason for me to falter. In fact, why not make it a glorious moment? Where you successfully laugh and point down at that voice, having a marvelous time. Whether it be reading a good book like I am now (three weeks with my brother by Nicholas Sparks) and not being able to find the urge to stop, to talking to your best friend or loved one over skype, who ensures you that you are indeed loved. 

Those are the things I have to focus on, the positive's. I have a family that loves me and literally flies halfway around the world to see me as much as possible, my friends are my back bone, fighting along with me, and I have the support of so many through such a tough time. I'm getting healthier, gaining weight, and my organs are starting to get better. That's all I need to worry about.

Tonight, I will go to sleep with a smile on my face. Just like tomorrow, the day after and so on. Wanna know why? Because I chose life.

Like this, a genuine smile.


  1. you write beautifully. i will be thinking of you. i am so proud of you for taking the first steps, and the journey ahead of you will be worth it. every damn struggle and achievement will be worth the enlightenment and life you receive at the end.

  2. i have faith in you