A Big Sigh of Relief

Yesterday I mentioned going to bed feeling very tense, uneasy and anxious at the thought of today's weigh-in because of my dilemma. Well, it's over now and I'm still here; standing tall - both figuratively and literally, haha.

This morning was horrid. I was shaking stepping onto the scale and had my eyes shut tightly out of fear. Slowly gaining enough courage, I gradually open first my right and then my left eye, staring at the number. Thankfully there was no drastic change; my weight didn't plummet - it stayed the same. It was as if my prayer's had been answered because the last time I had an upset stomach, I was put on station lockdown as I had lost weight; but not this time. In my head, I immediately started doing a happy dance. A huge sense of relief spread all over my body and I was ready to face the day.

Another incredibly positive outcome of today is that my mom arrived back from Germany tonight. She is now back for the time being. It's good to have my mommy back, I've missed her tremendously.

One Month and One Day

It's amazing how fast time passes in certain instances; it seems like just yesterday that I arrived at the 'new' station. No wonder that there's the saying time flies when you're having fun.

Although there's been rough days, such as the station lockdown, losing weight and the two times that I seriously considered leaving here before my planned date because I couldn't deal with the circumtances correctly, it's been a positive journey for the most part.

Let's just have a little recap of all the positive achievements that I have accomplished in the past month while being here:

• Eating a wrong meal successfully; one that I didn't order in my meal plan
• My first time being outside since August
• My first overnight stay away from the hospital
• My first eating out experience that wasn't in the hospital
• My first time eating at a restaurant and ordering a proper meal from the menu without tweaking the dish to lessen the calorie content
• Consuming both additional food as well as liquid calories
• Gaining weight
• Staring to enjoy food

I think that the list goes to show just how successful I have been and how much I was able to execute. Now I just need to remember that not everyday can be completely positive, that setbacks will occur. In those moments, it will be key to not give in to those anorexic thoughts but to keep going - even stronger.